So, let me get this straight: She's calling him arrogant because he doesn't know who she is?

Somebody get this woman a dictionary and some sort of anti-irony spray, stat!

She says the audience laughed when Ferguson said sex was between a man and a woman, and implies he raised that reaction because he was out of touch with his audience. Yeah, okay. Or maybe it's because he's a comedian, and he was JOKING.

If she'd read his book, or watched his show, or seen his standup act, or seen The Drew Carey Show -- instead of merely reading his bio, which is obviously the only insight she has -- she might realise that there was never any question of his non-airheadedness.

I wonder what those other two writers have to say about the 'ordeal;' is she really speaking on behalf of all three?
# posted by  Anonymous @ 5/03/2006 11:50 AM  

 
From what I understand, Karen Finley was pretty vocal on the panel about her thoughts. As for Cooper, he's posted some comments on his blog.

You criticize Bright for criticizing Ferguson for not knowing who she is but then turn around and attack her for not having read his book. The panel was on "Transgressive Literature," not "Ex Pat Actors" or "Late Night Talk Show Hosts." Cooper, Bright and Finley were selected for the panel because they define the topic; Ferguson was apparentlly invited for celebrity value.

It's hard to comment too much because I wasn't there, but it seems like he should have at the least been a bit more knowledgeable about their work given the title of the panel; I don't think it was really up to them to know more about his.

But hey, I remain a fan and will watch him over Conan any time!
# posted by  Scott Macaulay @ 5/04/2006 7:01 PM  

 
The topic of the discussion was "pushing the envelope", and whether or not the four other holier-than-thou authors thought Craig's book was worthy enough is beside the point. The organizers of the event certainly thought he was qualified to speak on the subject.

I'm sure if you'd picked up the receiver, you would have screamed, "Who the fuck put me here with these cunts?"

How dare this woman put such hideous, sexist words in the man's mouth! Although, after hearing Finlay's vicious verbal attacks and reading Bright's catty blog, he should well have done!

We three knew who you were, but I don't think you got the memo on us....

Beg pardon! If she truly did know who the man was beforehand, she wouldn't have made many of the ignorant personal attacks in her letter.

You've just written a debut novel, and you shouted you are "too rich" to care what anyone thinks of it.

He told a joke, lady. It's something comedians do.

But so far, your book has not changed the world, and you haven't heard from readers yet who've thanked you for saving their lives, or inspiring them to fight another day— or just plain ole' blowing their minds. But that shit doesn't happen overnight; I say, keep at it! Just keep that chatter about your entitlement to yourself, it never seems to work out.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize quite how important you were. Perhaps I should've thanked you for saving my life with erotica, but it just didn't occur to me. My bad.

Next time, don't spit at us that you are having more sex than anyone, thank you very much, or that your commercial success has insulated you from tiresome political concerns.

Again, it was a joke. Paraphrasing and taking it out of context really does help justify your cattiness, doesn't it?

Belligerence is never becoming, and it ages you even quicker.

Ha! Then one would assume you are the world's most hideous cave woman after reading your letter.

You mugged and mocked us while we were speaking, and when that got tired, you showed us the kind of sacrifice you'd made for your art: You let it be known that you "wrote your book on spec."

He was defending himself against belligerant, jealous man-haters who were attacking every word he spoke. And since when did it become a literary crime to write a book on spec? The man had a story to tell and he told it. End of fucking story. Not everyone has to crucify themselves for art's sake. If you truly want to encourage people to engage in literary expression, you're doing a shitty job of it.

Look, I get it... you know nothing about radical sexual politics or why it's been the lightning rod of American art for the last 50 years.

Did you acquire this tidbit of information with your psychic abilities?

You think girls with something incisive to say are real dick-wilters.

If you can turn back the ravages of time and find something incisive to say, perhaps you'll be able to find out.

And fags? It's hard to comprehend.. you did say that sex boils down to "one man and one woman." The bookfest audience cracked up at that one....

Yes they did, because apparently they understood humor. When Finlay and the interruptive audience member attacked him for speaking from personal experience, he added "and a woman and a woman, a man and a man." I personally think it's juvenile to deduce bigotry from this remark. "Fags" makes me question your own tolerance. If you did know something about Ferguson, you'd know that he not only wrote, but starred as a gay man in a film called "The Big Tease."

That murderous farewell you gave me at the end made my heart sink like a stone. It was right up there with the Michigan judge who told me, pre-sentencing, I was going to pay for being a menace to society. Maybe he watches your show and laughs, too.

So this boils down to a nasty look. Why would it make your heart sink if you already hated the man? And as for your martyrdom, how shall I put it? "Wow. I'm getting goose bumps, [Susie]. Call the Nobel committee, call Amnesty International. This [woman] has been through THE MILL."

Bright (and the like) just cannot accept someone who is multi-talented. This is Ferguson's first novel, and because it's doing so well they're completely pissed off that he's managed to stick his oar into their river of self-importance. Read Bright's entire letter and be in awe of her humility and kindness.
# posted by  Anonymous @ 5/06/2006 3:49 AM  

 
"I'm sure if you'd picked up the receiver, you would have screamed, 'Who the fuck put me here with these cunts?'"

Wow. Putting nasty words in his mouth. He was totally funny and charming until Karen went bitch on him. And even then, he still remained funny. He did a GREAT job and this is the worst case of jealousy I've ever seen. You might want to wash your mouth out with Lava. Not the soap, the actual molten rock.

"We were wondering the same thing about you."

God, I thought you were on his side like the rest of us during the panel. You never once said anything to him. Making you a coward. At least Karen, in all of her "I am lesbian, hear me roar" bravura, had the nerve to openly (although completely undeservedly) attack him.

"You are a Scottish immigrant who's had a magnificent run in Hollywood— as a comic, a a sitcom actor in a hit show, and now the affable host of The Late Late Show. Half the crowd were your adoring fans, women who shiver at your good looks, and men who'd love to browbeat someone with just your style. Plus you have a new book and your Godlike publicist has made it very clear that you are in command of the English language."

WTF does his publicist have to do with this? And we weren't shivering over his good looks, but because we had READ the book. Which is more than I can say for your library of work. Haven't read, don't need to. I'd rather be having real sex with a real man than reading about some S&M short story that you eked out of your sweaty mind.

"We three knew who you were, but I don't think you got the memo on us."

Why wouldn't you know who he is? He's had a famous career FOR YEARS in MANY genres. It's called success. You might want to read up on it. Oh, I forgot. You only read books that are passed around in tiny black coffee houses in secret, like you're the Knights Templar smuggling the lost books of Jesus' brother James. Instead of sad little tales of Dubya and Martha (Ooh! So edgy! Where are my bongos and black beret? Where are my absinthe and incense?)

"You were sitting next to the contemporary equivalent of Brecht, Jean Genet, and Dorothy Parker— artists whose cultural influence and impact have made them a legend among their peers, but whose "envelope pushing"— make that shredding— has resulted in direct punishment by the State: blacklisting, death threats by vigilantes, and direct suppression."

Try Truman Capote's slightly mute brother, Joy Behar's fraternal twin, a mousy housewife, and a militant lesbian who hates anything with a penis on principal alone. A legend among your peers? You could say the same for those guys who hop trains for a living or people who collect Pez containers or have their entire body covered in tattoos. Everyone can be a hero among their peers, but how small of a crowd can that be and still count? Craig's got dozens upon dozens of peers who admire him. His book brought 100 of them to his release party alone. And lady, if you've been given death threats, if you've had problems with the government, maybe it's not that you're such an important artist saying what the country secretly wants to hear. Maybe you have a depravity that needs therapy. Just because "your peers" think you're cutting edge, doesn't mean you're not insane. And PS—Who the hell HASN'T been repressed? I'm repressed for being female. My friend Mark is repressed for being gay. The Starbucks clerk is repressed for only making minimum wage in a cost-of-living world. Stop whining and change your life if it's so bad.

"Corporate media has followed suit with even more effectiveness. Pop culture banality, now in its greatest flourish since the 50s, is a direct result of this puritanical iron fist— and you were seated with the beleagured
(It's beleaguered. LEARN TO SPELL.)opposition."

Seriously, wtf are you rambling on about? It boils down to this: You think you are far more important than you are, and you are resentful that a man more successful than you has a best selling book, fans who show up in droves, more money than the entire panel put together, and is allowed to say what he wants, the way he wants, and still be happy. Using $4 words is not impressive. Any monkey can open a Thesaurus. Despite the flinging insult, those of us who read his book are capable of reading lots of books, not just US Magazine with its pretty pictures. Some of us even read books before Craig's came out last month. Some of us are educated. I know it's a shock, what with our pop cultural banality and all…

"The Supreme Court went after Karen Finley's NEA grant in the 90s. It wasn't just a way to shut up one of the most transformative female and performance artists of the century— it was the administration's wedge to make federal funding for the arts all but irrelevant. "Let's put on another production of The Music Man, everybody!" Or does that have a hidden homosexual context as well?"

Even though I am a Liberal, I say this: The government doesn't have to apologize for not giving free money to a chick who performs political protests as art. And might I point out it was your Clinton who was in charge in those days? Transformative female? So the operation actually took?

"You know all those slightly risqué jokes you make on your show? Well, there's no public arts funding for that kind of smut in the United States. And your book couldn't be read on an FCC-controlled-station anywhere. Try Canada!"

He has. They love him there too. And who gives a rat's arse that his show wouldn't pass muster on PBS? He's not EXPECTING the government to pay him to degrade them, and then whine when they complain. God, you are so self righteous.

"I know you said that this is the best country in the whole world, and that we should get on our knees and be thankful we're not in some infernal desert republic, but you don't seem to realize that this nation has one of the most reactionary attitudes towards the arts in the international community. Or haven't you noticed that with your TV guest list? Don't you notice how most of them have nothing to say."

You are officially retarded. I am now sorry I said anything bad about you. I hadn't realized your mental affliction beforehand. My bad. Well, Corky, I suggest this: Why don't you have a smarter friend explain Craig's show to you? How he doesn't read from cue cards, he doesn't have those little blue notes on his desk, how he actually talks and listens to his guests. How his guest come talk to him about things they don’t talk about on other shows. Not the latest project (very few of them get around to that topic).

And Algernon, I double dog dare you to move to Communist China and "openly" publish this same letter. Publish your "envelop-pushing" smutty books. See how long you last in a 2' x 2' black hole and tell me how you hate America. If America is so repressive, honey, let me be the first to drive you to the airport! Don't let the state hit you in the ass on the way out! Have you even LIVED in another country? One that beat its children at school for simply showing up? One that kills its people for having the wrong religion? Try wearing a burqa in the summer and then whine to me about how the big, evil government won't let you say all the nasty-but-somehow-important things you want to say. Here's a thought (you might want to write this down): If you can't visit these countries, why don't you at least READ about them? I know, it'll be away from your usual Marquis de Sade pop-up books.

"Dennis Cooper was shy and you didn't notice him. Snarling at feminists is more entertaining. But you should know Cooper is one of the four or five best American writers alive, and acclaimed as the closest thing Genet or Burroughs has to a literary heir. Most of his books are only wellknown..." (Not a single word, but either hyphenated or two words. For Pete's sake! Watch some Sesame Street before you write in public!) "...in the rest of the world, not in the US, where his work is underground transgression. You might pick up a craft tip or two from him."

Didn't notice him? Would you like me to email you the picture I took of Craig leaning back in his chair so that he could get a good look/listen at Dennis while he was talking? And shy? The man writes about gay underage porn and he's shy? Who is he, Walter Mitty? Jeffrey Dahmer? Boo Radley?

"Yet you haven't the time to bother. You've just written a debut novel, and you shouted you are "too rich" to care what anyone thinks of it."

That was a JOKE. It's part of having a SENSE of HUMOR (I'm capitalizing these words so you'll be better able to look them up). Did you hear an audible gasp from the shocked and offended audience when he said that? Cause if you did, you're having auditory hallucinations. We thought it his comment was hilarious.

"I imagine you do care about something, that you privately care if people find your work memorable, and lasting. It would be meaningful to have a legacy. Your book certainly has more intelligence than the scriptwriting on late, late, night TV. I bet it meant a lot to you to show people that you are not an airhead."

"It would be meaningful to have a legacy." Ladies and gentlemen, we've hit the absolute core of this woman's vehemence: She's green-with-envy jealous. She secretly wants to be a daring media darling—the very thing she pretends to rail against. If she were REALLY all about writing stuff just because she's so artistic she HAD to get it out, she'd never publish it. Never go to book panels, conventions, readings, etc. She'd write for herself. But she too—like all artists—wants a tiny taste of fame and acceptance. She wants her work to be read, enjoyed, discussed. And since it's not happening at nearly the rate she expects it to, she's taking her anger out on Craig. How dare you, Craig Ferguson, be more successful and happier than she! (PS—I'm working on my 4th book for my own amusement. I have no intentions of ever publishing any of them. I write for myself.)

"But so far, your book has not changed the world, and you haven't heard from readers yet who've thanked you for saving their lives, or inspiring them to fight another day— or just plain ole' blowing their minds. But that shit doesn't happen overnight; I say, keep at it! Just keep that chatter about your entitlement to yourself, it never seems to work out."

I hadn't realized you'd crawled up his ass and accompanied him on EVERY SINGLE book signing. I didn't know you had a psychic connection to him to know when a fan commented on the book. And gee, I seem to recall Craig saying he wrote the book for himself not to save other peoples' lives. I didn't realize how important you were, Jesus. Let me bow down and kiss your feet. Who knew "erotica" saved lives? Does the Pope know about this?

"Belligerence is never becoming, and it ages you even quicker."

Then you must be 107, Dorian Gray.

"You mugged and mocked us while we were speaking, and when that got tired, you showed us the kind of sacrifice you'd made for your art: You let it be known that you 'wrote your book on spec.'"

Only AFTER he was pissed off at having to defend his bank account. Hey lady, why don’t you hand us over your tax returns and discuss the last 8 people you've had sex with in detail. Let's go over your body shape and how your mommy treated you as a child. He was defending himself from the vicious attacks.

"Wow. I'm getting goose bumps, Craig. Call the Nobel committee, call Amnesty International. This man has been through THE MILL."

OMG. This is how road rage occurs. I've never wanted to bitch-slap someone so badly in my life. You say you knew who Craig was before the panel? Obviously you know jack. Obviously you don't know his struggles and how he managed to overcome them. An alcoholic, drug addicted drop out who's been in more fights and more jails than you'll ever know, who overcame adversity, sobered up, and totally turned his life around? Yeah. Shame on him. How dare he improve himself. How dare he live the American dream. We should string him up and set him on fire for having the unabashed nerve to make something of himself and then not let others complain when they aren't as successful. He can be so "smug" about his success because he earned every penny and accolade of it. He knows what it is like to be desperate and angry and starving and scared and mental. So he has no pity for those who could improve themselves, but choose not to, and then cry that the world didn't hand them a gold plated toilet to shit in. Good news: There's a flight leaving out of LAX to France at 4PM. Get packing, I'll pick you up in 2 hours. We can have you living in another country by nightfall. The Parisians love miserable people. You'll fit right in.

"Look, I get it... you know nothing about radical sexual politics or why it's been the lightning rod of American art for the last 50 years. You weren't here for women's liberation or queer revolt. You think girls with something incisive to say are real dick-wilters. And fags? It's hard to comprehend.. you did say that sex boils down to "one man and one woman." The bookfest audience cracked up at that one.

No, they cracked up at the context of what he was saying, which was funny. You'll note they didn't crack up over the fake coughing Karen and her lover in the audience started. You'll note they laughed when he said, "And a woman and a woman and a man and a man. I was talking about MY personal experience!" And honey, you're wilting my dick and I don't even have one! And as for fags? 3 words: The Big Tease. As for sexual politics? What rights have your books allowed us? Did you invent the Pill and I forgot to thank you?

"Why did you hate me so much if you "don't care"— if you're so rich and well-laid and impenetrable? Your fans stretched across the lawn, but you took the time to kill me with a look. I can tell you believe in bad spells. The next envelope I lick will likely give me a nasty paper cut right across the lip. Bad mommy, don't make Craig mad again!"

You know who's impenetrable? YOU. And it's easy to hate you; you're so hate-able. And Ladies and Gentlemen: Reason # 2 (really, about 1247) why the old maid isn't playing nice: "Your fans stretched across the lawn…" As in, because there were no fans in my line—or Karen's, or Dennis'. In fact, Karen left in a tizzy fit about 10 minutes later, hostile that we didn't embrace her inane "satirical" book.

"Won't we have fun remembering the days when you were arrogant, and the rich and artless didn't have to care one little motherfucking bit about anything?"

You'll be the one cleaning his pool. He'll be the one laughing all the way to the bank. If you're really lucky, you'll be promoted to being the one paid to laugh all the way to the bank for him. He'll be too important to be bothered by that point.

"I'm off to march with some other whores and immigrants now. They're hoping to inherit the earth."

Well, if we're going to quote religion...The Bible says the Earth will be overrun with the evil after the Second Coming, so you'll fit right in. Say hi to Karen for us.

Excuse me. I have to go watch some 'rasslin' while Bedazzling my trucker hat and eating fistfuls of Slim Jims and pork rinds…
# posted by  Anonymous @ 5/08/2006 9:32 PM  

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