SING ALONG

For the past eight years, Jack Lechner, a former Miramax executive now in charge of entertainment development at @radical.media in New York, and his wife Sam Maser, have sent out a greeting card to their friends featuring parodies of many of the films nominated for Academy Awards set to music.

Below are some of this year’s choice selections:

Mystic River (to the tune of “Mr Sandman”)

Mystic River

Dark as can be

The feel-bad movie of Two-Thousand-Three

It proves a man’ll do the things a beast would

If he’s in a picture by Clint Eastwood

Mystic River

Maybe I’m dense

But did that ending even remotely make sense?

Though the critics don’t agree

Mystic River mystified me!

Master & Commander: The Far Side of the World (to the tune of “All of Me”)

Sodomy

Where is the sodomy

That a sea-

Faring voyage was known for?

If a tar

Went below decks then

Chances are

He would have sex then

Peter Weir

Checked all his facts, it’s clear

And they’re here

In meticulous detail

But in the dash

From rum to the lash

Where is the sodomy?

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (excerpt, to the tune of “My Favorite Things”)

…

Give my regards to the riders of Rohan

(Though it’s unlikely they know George M. Cohan)

Pelennor Fields — that’s where Aragom sings –

So many endings in Lord Of The Rings

Now it’s finished

We’re diminished

It was great, but long

I hope Peter Jackson will rest for a while

Before he remakes

King Kong!

And, lest you think Miramax escaped unscathed, Cold Mountain (excerpt, to the tune of “Old Smokey”):

On top of Cold Mountain

All covered with mist

I wait for my lover

A man I once kissed

…

And if he should perish

That would be a shame

Because then I’ll never

Find out his first name!

If you enjoyed these, tune in to the telecast of the IFP Independent Spirit Awards, February 28 on IFC and Bravo, when Lechner and Maser will skewer the indies in five featured ditties.

Also check out Movie City News’s Miramax Songbook 2004.